And yet, though time has passed and education on the matter is slowly becoming a bit better, one person at a time, one support group at a time, we still find that some people just aren’t accepted into the community at all, for some strange reason.

Bisexuality, as most of you have probably heard, is the attraction to either end of the gender spectrum, most commonly male and female. Before we go any further into this article, I just want to point out that bisexuality is not a phase, it is not an in-between, and bisexuals are not confused. Bisexuality is a legit sexuality, and to be honest, it’s sometimes harder for them to come out than it is for us monosexual folk.

Bisexuality is, sadly, often times ignored — both by the "normal’ heterosexual community, and by the LGBTQ+ community who claim to be "all inclusive’. There’s a word for this, and it is "bi-erasure’.

Let’s give a common example of what I mean. A few weeks ago, I met a gay male who sat down at a table full of queer people — lesbians, gays, queers, and even bisexuals, and proceeded to say: “What’s the difference between a straight girl and a bisexual girl? Three shots of tequila.” Needless to say, the bisexual women at the table were very, very offended.

During the past few months, I’ve become a little bit more active in the LGBTQ+ community, and befriended quite a few amazing individuals. A few of them are bisexual, and have expressed continuous discomfort at the fact that their voices are sometimes not heard, or that they are treated as confused individuals who will pick a side one day. One of them has told me that she’s pretty sure her mother hopes that she’ll "walk in with a sign one day telling her exactly what I want as a partner’. This same individual has told me that "Yes, I am bisexual; 50/50 attraction, no way around it’.

Bi-erasure is the act of ignoring that bisexuality is a legit sexuality, and claiming that individuals who identify as such will one day "pick a side’ or "get over the phase’. A gay friend of mine recently said “I can understand why people come out as bisexual first because it’s easier sometimes, but it’s not fair on actual bisexuals; it just makes bi-folk seem like they’re going to come out as gay later on.”

Most people also can’t seem to wrap their head around the concept of bisexuality. It is completely possible to be attracted to both genders for a stunning amount of individuals — bisexuality is actually the most common sexuality around, it’s just that not a lot of people actually speak about it. And yet, people seem to think that it’s a label to use to talk about "greedy people’. First of all, no, bisexuality does not equal "greed’ (and I use that word very very lightly). Just because somebody is bisexual does not mean they can’t be monogamous, or want threesomes, or will leave their partner for somebody of the opposite sex that their partner is. It just means that they have way more options available to them on a Saturday night out. Doesn’t mean that they’re completely driven by sex.

 People also seem to think that just because a bisexual-identifying individual is suddenly in a long-term relationship with somebody, then they’re set for life. Uh, no. Just because, for the sake of argument, a bisexual woman dates a man, that doesn’t make her straight. She’s still bisexual, she still looks at women and thinks "Damn, girl, you look fine as hell!’, she just won’t cheat. Same if that girl dates another girl — she’ll still look at men, she just won’t cheat.

(In relation to this, my bisexual friends like to say this phrase to explain this phenomenon: "When I’m in a relationship, it just means I can’t order from the menu. Doesn’t mean I can’t look.’)

 A common perpetrator of bi-erasure is, sadly, the media — the one thing that constantly surrounds us and forms social standards, whether we like it or not. I can probably count the number of bisexual characters on one hand, and even then, they’ve probably been used as a ploy to make people hate them. The bisexual is often seen as a villain in the media, or else ridiculed for being bisexual and told by others to "pick a side’. Celebrities come out as bisexual and suddenly, the whole world is watching, waiting for them to "slip up’ and start dating someone of the opposite sex to prove everybody wrong. As if constantly reaffirming your sexuality is a thing that has to happen. And it’s not just celebrities — people around us are constantly telling us that bisexuality is a thing that isn’t real. Well, let me tell you something: if it’s not real, than I have a ton of imaginary friends and I clearly must be crazy.

To reiterate, bisexuality is a real sexuality, totally legitimate, and probably the one that makes the most sense (and I say this as a monosexual) — I mean, it’s really not about falling in love with gender, it’s about falling in love with a person. And who wouldn’t want the chances of finding a soul mate to be twofold?!

To finish off my little rant, I’d like to enlighten you all to a small quote from one of the latest episodes of Grey’s Anatomy — “It’s called LGBTQ for a reason. There’s a B in there, and it doesn’t mean badass. Okay, it kinda does, but it also means bi.”

So, lessons learnt today: don’t hate on the bisexuals, they’re lovely and they’re real!  

I would like to thank my bisexual friends (who will hereby remain unnamed) for aiding in writing this article. You guys are awesome!

The post B Equals Badass (and Bi) appeared first on The Third Eye.

As I’m sure you’re all aware, coming out is the process of telling people something about yourself that was previously kept secret. In today’s terms, coming out is mostly used to refer to somebody who is on the LGBT spectrum who admits to the people around them that they are, in fact, on that spectrum. Sometimes, the other people would have guessed, and greet the news with a shrug. Other times, they’re not so aware, and stare at you in shock with their mouths half full of food and a slow ticking seen behind their eyes as everything falls into place.

What people don’t know about coming out — unless, of course, they’ve had to do it themselves — is that it takes a very long time for us to get to that point.

Coming Out can actually be devised into a few milestones, that don’t necessarily have to follow the order listed below, but it is generally how it happens. I like to call them the Trials and Tribulations — quite honestly, most of the time, I do feel like I’m on trial with all this.

Step One: Admititng it to yourself

The dreaded Step One is the only way to start off — before you admit it to yourself, you can’t admit it to anyone else. It’s no use telling people you are something when you’re not so sure of it yourself. It’s only when you’ve had a good look at yourself that you can say, safely, that you are something.

Unfortunately, Step One can be very harrowing. It’s all about admitting that you’re not what everyone expects you to be, and having to rearrange your whole self image, and having to look at yourself differently. Isn’t that tiring enough as it is? After coming out to yourself, it’s kind of hard to ever want to do it again. But believe me, after that, telling people becomes a little easier.

Once you’re OK with You, it’s OK to tell everyone else.

Step Two: Telling friends

Is it just me, or is it always so much easier to tell your friends than it is to tell your parents? And I mean this with anything — whether it’s about the person you’re dating, or the first time you had sex, or the fact that you’ve picked up a smoking habit, the first people you normally tell (or who find out first) are your friends. It’s just so much easier to tell friends.

And yeah, sometimes, you come across those odd ones who decide that you’re disgusting and never want to speak to you again. To that, I say (in the words of Queen Else of Arendelle) "Let it go’. They’re not worth it, and you don’t deserve that kind of negativity in your life. Just let them move on with their lives and live in their little homophobic bubble. Those people who stick by you after you tell them your biggest, darkest secret are the people who you need in your life all the time.

Anybody else doesn’t have to be a part of your life unless you want them to be.

Along with this section is the ever popular sub-section: Exes. Don’t tell your exes unless you really have to or really want to. It’s none of their business.

Step Three: Family

This, I personally feel, is the hardest part. How do you go about telling the people who raised you that their expectations of you are gone and now they have to change ever so slightly, in the romantic department? Most parents are stuck in the between of telling you they love you no matter what and yelling at you that you’re ruining your life. You get parents who don’t care, who just adjust their world view and refer to you having a same-sex partner from now on instead. You get parents who take their time getting used to it. You get parents who don’t ever talk about the big rainbow elephant in the room. Then you get the parents who kick you out.

I wish I could say that you can just ignore them and move on with your life, but the truth is, you can’t. This is where it’s so hard — these are the people who raised you and who love you. And yet they can’t look past this one little thing that doesn’t actually change anything. I wish I could say that ignoring them and living your life is an option, but first you have to move past the hurt of this. And I’m sorry to say, the hurt doesn’t fully go away sometimes.

Along with family are cousins, siblings, grandparents — the works. These you don’t have to tell unless you really want to. They’re not that important, especially if they’re not a huge part of your family and everyday life. But for the most part, your siblings and your cousins can be some of the most supportive people you encounter (at least, in my personal experience). Just be ready for jokes and quips related to exes from now on.

Step Four: The Workplace

This is a situation that’s mostly "Should I/Shouldn’t I?’. Should  I tell the people I see on an almost-daily basis? Should I tell these people who don’t really care, probably?

It’s all up to you, really. Do you know them well enough to be able to trust them with this? Do you think they’ll treat you badly after? Do you think they’ll be totally cool with it?

In my own personal experience, I find that telling at least one co-worker is a huge weight of your shoulders. Having at least one person at work that knows can help elevate some of the feelings of loneliness you might have, feeling like you’re the only non-straight person there. Even if the person you tell is straight, you’ll at least have someone to talk to when your girlfriend breaks up with you, or when your brother finds you kissing another boy outside your house.

Co-workers are an iffy ground in that you might never feel the need to tell them. But if you do, be careful where you tread. Like family, they might treat you differently afterwards. But also like family, they might just take it in their stride — and start making little jokes of their own.

Really, there is no right or wrong way to tell anybody anything. You can tell people one by one, or you can blare it out loud and proud on Facebook. You can slowly let it slip through until you’re comfortable or just burst out of the closet in a flurry of glitter and rainbows once you’ve reached the age of not caring a single f*** what anyone thinks.

The thing is, coming out is different for everyone, and it’s also a huge deal for everyone who does it. It is the one thing we all have to go through, and though we may feel alone in having to do it — like no one will ever understand — you just have to remind yourself, time and time again, that if somebody else has done it before you, and they’re still around, then maybe you can do it too.

The post The Trials and Tribulations of Coming Out appeared first on The Third Eye.

I’m pretty sure you don’t like being called that, huh? Well, how do you think we feel, being called names like "faggot’, "dyke’ and "poof’? Not so hot now, are we?

My main question to you, as I write this, is "Why?’ Why are you so mean to us? What did we ever do to you by liking someone of the same sex, by not bothering you in the slightest, by rejecting your advances because, honestly, you’re not even that attractive? What did we ever do to you by living our own life? Why feel the need to shove your opinion down our throat yelling “You’re disgusting!” at us?

In our defence, if the only thing that you think is disgusting about us is that we have sex the way we do, then we have news for you — we think the way you have sex is pretty f***ing disgusting.

Why the hate? Why not just live and let live? Let our lives go on and let us be happy in our little bubble made of rainbows and glitter and the occasional unicorn! We like it in here, we’re happy here. And then you ruin it with your terrible attitudes. It’s not like we asked you to be gay too — we don’t want you to do something you’re not comfortable doing.

Hey, does that sound familiar? All you people telling us "Just stop being gay’. Joke of the Century! You try turning off your feelings for an hour or two, see how well you fare.

Oh, and by the way, we do feel the need to express ourselves, yeah. I do feel the need to come out to people (it’s hard enough as it is keeping it a secret for so long, and I’ll be damned if somebody is going to put rules on the one thing that I can say proudly about myself). I do feel the need to chat people up in front of you (I’ve seen you do it to girls — at least I have way more tact than you ever will). I do feel the need to "be gay’ around you — I’ve spent years pretending to be something I’m not and now I’m happy with my place in life.

Quite honestly, dear, delusional little homophobes, you are simultaneously the least of our worries, and the reason things can be so bad for us. We don’t care about you and your opinions; they won’t change who we are, what we do, who we fall in love with. But then you go and take away our rights, demonize us, make us seem like the bad guys, rape us and kill us. You go and do something stupid like that, and you’ve automatically become Enemy Number One.

Really, can’t you just learn to let well enough alone? We’ve never bothered you with our lives, I’ve never heard of a single queer who tries to "convert’ a homophobe or tell them that the way they live is wrong. Why not return the favour to us.

Sincerely,

A very pissed off queer

The post A Letter to the Homophobes appeared first on The Third Eye.

Forcing yourself into being someone you’re not can be one of the hardest things in life, undoubtedly. Like being gay, for example. Okay, let’s face it. We might’ve gotten an overdose about homosexuality and LGBT rights lately and you might think "oh no, not another "gay’ article’ but somehow I feel like this article can reach out to all sorts of people with myriad personal issues. You don’t necessarily have to be gay to understand where this is coming from. In some way, we can all feel a common connection to it. Why? Because we all want what’s best for ourselves (or what we think is best for us), without having to worry our parents, friends or anyone else for that matter.

I have always wanted to feel "normal’ and to be accepted by everyone. It’s not easy knowing you’re "different’ from the rest. What is "normal’, I used to think? Is there such a thing as normality? Meeting other people who come from different walks of life can help you have a better understanding of how many individual problems we all face. We’re all different but in one way or another we’re connected through the suffering of common issues; sexuality merely being just one from countless others.

I spent days in emotional agony because of who I am and what it means to be me, figuring out who "me’ is all about and having to avoid who exactly that "me’ is. But eventually I came around. At some point we all have to.

I shouldn’t have to hide my true self just to see my parents (or whoever) happy. I used to think "Hmm, it’s my life. They don’t need to know’ but as you grow older you’ll start to realise how better it might feel if you would actually let others know about what it is you’re truly feeling. It only gets more difficult seeing as how demanding it gets to cope with secretly going out with people you don’t want others to know about. It’s seriously tough. You’d have to end up not doing anything but simply live a lie if you’re so afraid and hooked up on what others would think of you.

No. You only have one chance thrown at you in life and one full of regrets is certainly no life to live. Make the most of it. Sure, give yourself time if it’s really what you must do until you’re on your own two feet, but bear in mind whose happiness ultimately depends on it. No one else’s but yours.

The post The Closet’s Not A Home appeared first on The Third Eye.

A slightly more modern retelling of the classic high school drama: a lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender person is outed by one of their peers at school and they are faced with having to deal with other people’s prejudices, while also realizing who of their friends are real friends and which of them aren’t.

A total plot twist: the popular girl outs two girls as lesbians when they’re actually straight. The two girls use this to their advantage and pretend to be lesbians to rise up the High School Social Ladder of Popularity (HSSLP? What a mouthful.).

Believe it or not, this is the premise of Faking It, MTV’s new series. The above paragraph is exactly what the story is — two seemingly straight girls are outed as lesbians by the classic, Regina George-esque Mean Girl at their school, and they use it as a platform to be elected Home Coming Queens, in an effort to become more popular at their school.

At first, I thought so too. There’s no way that a show like that could be anything but a train wreck. But, to be fair, I thought that about MTV’s other shows like Awkward and Teen Wolf. Needless to say, the both of those TV shows have actually advanced pretty well and gathered a great following. So why not Faking It?

I’m sure you can see my initial issues and reservations with the series. I had trouble believing that anybody would use being a lesbian to their advantage — for f***’s sake, I’m pretty sure I would never use it to my advantage, and I’m a lesbian here! I had trouble believing that the show could bring about being part of a prejudiced, abused minority as a good thing, apart from preaching the whole "accept who you are’ thing that every TV show has done in the past five years. But I gave it a chance, and watched the first episode.

I was, surprisingly, pleasantly surprised.

The show brings about a lot of different issues, and while some may be problematic, others are dealt with swimmingly, and this article serves as me dealing with the Pros and Cons of the show so far.

WARNING: If you haven’t watched up to Episode two, please be aware that this article contains spoilers from this point on! (Unless you’re totally fine with spoilers, in which case, carry on.)

Pro: The show emphasizes friendship over all.

When asking the main cast what the show is really about, Katie Stevens (who plays the quirky Karma) said that, over all, it’s about friendship. The girls know everything about each other — allergies, fears, habits. Everything. They show each other unconditional support and love, and treat each other like family, which they practically are for each other.

Con: The girls’ friendship can be somewhat manipulative.

Though Karma boasts that she supports Amy and would do anything for her, Amy is actually the one who does most of the "doing’ herself. Karma appears to be quite the manipulator, either guilt tripping

Amy into doing things for her, or reminding her that they’re best friends, and that best friends should be there for each other no matter what.

Pro: Lauren is the first Mean Girl to use someone’s heterosexuality against them.

This adds to the "plot twist’ element of the whole thing. Lauren is just mean in general, but she’s also the first person to accuse the girls of faking being gay (that is, of course, after she accuses them of it in the first place).

Con: The "Token Gay Friend’ stereotype is back!

Oh, how I hate this! I have met countless people who always say that they’ve always wanted a gay/lesbian friend because it’s suddenly "cool’ and "a fad’ to have one, but really, it’s like you’re treating us like Collector’s Items. We are not people you can "collect’ to stamp in a book and show off to your friends. Even sadder than that, the gay male in the story, Shane (played by Michael J Willett), is actually guilty of this himself…

Pro: The show celebrates diversity as a whole.

The high school that serves as a backdrop for the show is a place where being "abnormal’ or "social rejects’ is cool. The popular kids are gay, Goths, pregnant teenagers, hippies, the works (although not all at once). It’s refreshing to see a TV show where the popular kids aren’t the jocks and the cheerleaders, but rather the geeks and freaks. Being different is celebrated and encouraged.

Con: There’s some serious fetishization going on here……

And we can blame Liam for it. Yes, Liam. The Hottie, the "Tortured Artist’ archetype. Liam, who is narrowing down sexuality to something that can please him. Liam is the classic guy who thinks that "lesbians haven’t found the right man yet’ and can have their mind changed, or some bull*** like that. He’s a problematic character who views lesbians as being "hot’. He treats Karma as a conquest to be won, and even more so because she is supposedly gay.

Pro: We’re given both sides of the spectrum when it comes to accepting parents.

Karma’s parents are supportive and totally OK about their daughter potentially being a lesbian. They don’t give her grief for it; rather they accept it as a part of who their daughter is. We’re also shown Amy’s mother, who is shown as a classic Republican woman who doesn’t seem to take the news too well, which is realistic — not all parents are going to be accepting, but not all parents are going to disown you either. However, this does bring me to my next point…

Con: Republicans are depicted as "totally evil’.

We are treated to the classic media’s depiction of Republicans — backwards, anti-gay and totally conservative. However, this isn’t the case. While there are Republicans who do fit this (stereotypes have some truth in them, after all), this isn’t the case all the time. There are several Republicans who aren’t like the proverbial "rest of them’ — some of them are very accepting of other people. This stereotype, as all, is harming to society. But that discussion is for another article completely.

In conclusion, Faking It has some very good points, and also some issues that need fixing, but I’m eager to see where the show will go with it all — Amy’s evident attraction to Karma, Karma being caught in between Amy and Liam, Lauren trying to debunk the whole charade…

I’m truly looking forward to how the whole thing will play out. Maybe the Cons mentioned above will serve as plot points later on in the series, resolving them and surprising us all. Maybe they won’t. Regardless, I recommend this to anybody (queer folk and straight folk alike) who wants a good story riddled with laughs, as well as a main cast who make the story that much more believable in itself, despite the unrealistic first impression we get of it.

The post MTV’s ’Faking It’ and Its Pros and Cons appeared first on The Third Eye.

I write this as The Queer Eye, as a person who has had to face discrimination from family and peers, from people however indirectly; a person who has had to sit through countless lectures listening to homophobic comments and slurs; a person who went to an all-girl’s Catholic school and emerged from it questioning everything I was ever taught to be "right’. I write this in response to every person who has ever, somehow, told me that I am not worthy of acceptance or love. Though my name and face may not be known to you, this is my answer to you — loud and proud and written boldly.

The first thing, instinctively, that any person asks when meeting somebody queer is "How long have you known?’ Looking back, I should have probably realized sooner, but thanks to the environment I grew up in, I didn’t realize until well into my Sixth Form days. I dated guys for a long time, and for a while I was convinced that it was all a phase. Surprise surprise, though, it definitely wasn’t.

  Needless to say, the minute I realized what these thoughts and feelings were, I panicked.

Nobody wants to be gay. Nobody ever asks for it. If anyone asks to be looked down upon, hated, prejudiced against, then they sure have some serious problems. I didn’t want any of this. I spent the better part of two years, up until I was nineteen, telling myself that I never wanted any of this, that I had to find a way to get out of it. I made mistakes, I hated myself for it. Self acceptance is a tough journey, and some of us quite literally don’t make it out alive (sadly). I was afraid of what my friends would think, my parents, the rest of my family, my future employers. How was I supposed to look my mother in the eye and tell her that I would never have the traditional white wedding she always dreamed for me? How was I supposed to tell the guys I dated that they were just a milestone in my self-discovery?

Being gay doesn’t just mean liking people of the same gender. It stems deeper than that. Being gay means that I have to forcibly smile and say "No, not yet’ whenever certain people ask me if I have a boyfriend. It means that every time somebody asks me if I like anyone, I have to hold back the urge to talk about this really cute girl I’ve been talking to for a few months now. It means that every time I utter the words "I like girls’ or some variation of that to somebody else, I have to steel myself for dirty looks. It means hiding a very important part of myself from my parents, because they’ve made it very clear that if I was ever a lesbian, I would be kicked out of the house. It means being afraid to say the word out loud ("lesbian’…ugh) because it feels like some sort of curse, like I’m condemning myself.

I know what you’re all thinking — "Damn, this person isn’t so self accepting of herself, is she?’ Truth be told, I am. But I’m also not. I’m weird that way. I love myself, I’ve grown to accept myself for who I am and what I can be, but there are moments were I look around me and think "Everything would be so much easier if I just liked males!’

My first thought when I kissed a girl, when I was fifteen years old, was quite honestly "Oh, no.’ I panicked, I beat myself up for it for days. I told myself it had to stop there — I could never do that again. Here we are now, five years later, and I’ve kissed more girls than I care to count. The "Oh, no’ feeling didn’t exactly go away, more like it changed into "Oh…well’ with time. I came to realize that it was a part of me, I came to accept it, and I came to understand that hey…girls are really pretty and awesome and just because I’m attracted to them doesn’t make me weird. It just makes me not blind.

(For real, though, have you seen girls? They are hot!)

Being queer is a myriad of processes: from realization, to self-acceptance, to coming out. It’s a barrage of emotions along the way and a confusion of things. It’s making friends who understand exactly what you’re going through and learning to not care when people judge you. It’s biting your tongue whenever you want to say something, knowing that it could jeopardize your safety. It’s finding friends — gay, straight, and anybody in between — who support you no matter what. It’s telling yourself that you can be stronger than people make you feel, and finding the strength to push through every single day knowing that you’ll be OK.

It’s a lot of things, and I can’t possibly make you understand how it feels unless you are queer.

For now though, I’ll leave you to think about what you’ve just read, and to ponder over how many people you may have met in your life who are gay, bisexual, transgendered, lesbian, intersex…anybody queer. We’re all fighting our own battles; ours isn’t any less than yours.

We Are, the University LGBT+ and Straight-Allies Organization on campus, is available for contact through their Facebook page and through their office at Student House. Contact them here for more details: https://www.facebook.com/WeAreUoM

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