Written by Mirea Gauci
People are always taught to use the adjectives strong for males and weak for females from a young age. In a context where strong means emotionless and weak means emotional. This subconsciously led to millions of boys around the world to feel suffocated. Why? They were, and are not able to show their emotions and weaknesses around other people. All their lives men are told to ‘‘man up’’, and to ‘‘take it like a man’’, because ‘’boys don’t cry’. This leads to toxic masculinity.
Be Your Own Man
In 2020 Jessica Sanders, was conducting research on a children’s book, Be your Own Man. She visited a preschool teacher were she carried out a drawing activity. Students aged between 10 to 12 were asked to draw a man and a woman on different sides of the same paper. She also asked them to fill the rest of the white space around the paper with different words that they associate with men and women.
“Shockingly, most adjectives generated by children were stereotypical with regards to gender, with men being drawn as tall and muscled and described by words such as ‘strong’, ‘mean’, ‘angry’ and ‘sports’.”
Another common observation that the teacher noticed, was that most male students wrote that as men they should need ‘hide’ or ‘push down’ their feelings. Undoubtedly, this stimulates considerable pressure on young boys. They are made to feel stressed and tired of having emotions that they are expected to hide. Elliott (2018) believes that because of this, males experience considerable loneliness for not being able to talk about their emotions with anyone, at the risk of being perceived as weak or feminine (“like a girl”).
Prep ’em Young!
Young children are being indoctrinated with gender stereotypes pretty early on and this needs to change. Young boys need to be taught by parents and teachers, that feelings should not be frowned upon and that respecting women is only normal and not a must. We need to start to raise more awareness on stereotypical views. Example: men having an athletic or perfect physique is not congruent to reality in most cases.
To counter this, we need to start with reconsidering all the tv shows and literature aimed at children. If boys are solely exposed to men dressed in red and blue, and told that men need to be strong for the family by not expressing emotions, they will imitate these models, leading to toxic masculinity – in line with Albert Bandura’s theory of observational learning. Another common stereotype we are exposed to is that alcoholism and smoking are linked to masculinity. Thus, adults start conditioning children’s identities from when they are born, believing it is normal for men to behave as such.
How does Toxic Masculinity Impact Us?
During their development, these stereotypes will impact men’s mental health and consequently, our societies. As men start to conform to this toxic masculine behaviour and show traits like aggression and dominance, women’s basic human rights become challenged. These masculine ideas which we ingrain in society from a young age, put men at higher risk of suffering in silence. Without seeking proper treatment, they may turn to coping methods like drugs, alcohol or even gambling as a response to stress. Research found that, due to toxic masculinity there is an increased risk of death by suicide. A study done, in 2015, found that suicide attempts done by men were more likely to lead to death rather than those attempted by women.
So, if you are reading this article and you are consider going for therapy, do not feel ashamed. Seeking professional help does not make you “weak” or any less of a man! Rather, it takes courage to be that person who transforms the stereotype and change it for future generations.
