I always knew that I was different, but until this year I didn’t know why. As I grew these differences grew with me; when I was a child I sat alone in kindergarten, and wasn’t particularly fond of hugs or kisses, even from my mum. I couldn’t stand loud noises and wouldn’t stop talking about Pokemon. The other kids and teachers picked up on my ‘otherness’ too, calling me such things as ‘strange’ and ‘freak’. After years of this, and noticing that I desperately wanted friends, I learnt to hide this ‘strangeness’, to not wince at loud noises or bright lights no matter how much they hurt. To not to talk too long about things I was passionate about, to stick to a socially acceptable script that I picked up from books and made sure that I was always looking into their eyes, even if it made me understand them less. Now, at twenty years old, I realise that I wasn’t broken, or a freak, I am just autistic.

This revelation occurred after I started seeking answers for my mental and physical illnesses that never seemed to go away. Most answers yielded nothing, until a video popped up on my YouTube feed titled ‘diagnosed with autism (aged 33!)’, I clicked and as I was watching I said to myself, ‘but that’s me, that’s my experience!”. After this I went down a rabbit hole of researching specifically how autism was presented in girls, and the experience of late diagnosed individuals. This research continued for about two years until I had the courage to be open about it and pursue a diagnosis… and to the surprise of everyone except me, I got it.

I thought the hardest part would be over. I had confirmation about my identity, I was at university studying psychology, I was in a stable relationship, and I would now be able to accommodate for myself and reach further heights. Except, I couldn’t be more wrong. One wouldn’t expect grieving to come from an event that one would consider positive, but after my diagnosis, I couldn’t help but grieve over the life I could’ve had if I had been diagnosed earlier. This is sadly a common response to a late autism diagnosis, which happens more often in those who have been assigned female at birth like myself. Many more adults have to remain self-diagnosed due to how inaccessible adult diagnoses are, in terms of price and awareness from medical professionals. Even then, after a diagnosis not much support would be given anyways past university, as no real support systems exist for adult autistic people with presentations like mine.

However, as I settled into the new community of autistic people, I came to know that I wasn’t alone in my experiences, and this was comforting and saddening at the same time. The latter being due to the realisation that most of us have to go through so much trauma for what can easily be rectified with awareness and acceptance. And so began my unmasking journey. I became aware of how many traits I was suppressing, which was why I felt so sick all the time. Exhaustion from masking, headaches from sensory overload, and much more. It was extremely difficult at first, for a multitude of reasons. The most prominent reason being those around me. I do not have the typical presentation of autism, and the lack of social awareness about non-stereotypical presentations leads many to believe that I am not. As such, they continued placing neurotypical standards on me, and, due to years of conforming to these standards, I felt uncomfortable unmasking, no matter how much harm it brought to me. However, I still remained open about it, and delved deeper into the community, and even joining TikTok for the community of autistic people who settled on that platform. And slowly, I was inspired to make content of my own, and was inspired by others’ unmasking journeys.

I had realised that most of my hardships came from the fact that the ones around me, even myself, did not accept who I truly am. Autism is a part of my identity, I would not be myself without it. I do not view it as a flaw, as it has never brought me harm, only the lack of understanding and acceptance from others has harmed me. I would not be as passionate, dedicated, or as empathetic without it. I share the same sentiment as many other autistic people that we do not need a cure, only to be accepted. I long for the day when one can consider autism as a trait much like we see extroversion and introversion. When you first hear about autism it is all about the ‘deficits’ the ‘problems’, but we are not burdens. Autism should not be viewed as some disease that needs a cure. We are humans, and just because we are different it does not mean that we have something wrong with us. All diversity, even neurodiversity, should be respected.

Follow Naomi’s journey on her TikTok account where she speaks about her experience, and join her Facebook group dedicated to autistic students.

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Having older friends, hanging out with teachers rather than fellow students, having a passion for a few subjects; these are very common traits amongst people on the autism spectrum. These were also the signs that led Jacob’s parents to get him diagnosed at an early age. However, the diagnosis was just a word at 9-years-old, a factor like every other part of life. The implications of being on the spectrum admittedly took some time to sink in. “Now it defines who I am in terms of how I act, how I interact, what I feel and what I don’t, what I say and what I don’t,” Jacob confided, “It makes me who I am essentially.”

In retrospect, his academic journey was not unlike any other Maltese student his age.

Jacob trudged through the ups and downs of secondary school and sixth form; his eyes fixed on “the light at the end of the tunnel”: an acceptance letter to the University of Malta. To him, University was the key to a successful future, a thriving academic and professional life, and a chance to further develop his love for history, politics, and current affairs. This mentality may have been ingrained in Jacob at a younger age. However, as he experienced campus life first-hand, he quickly acknowledged it as true. “In hindsight, it was a truly enjoyable experience.”

Unfortunately, the journey to step onto the Quadrangle was not as smooth as one would have wished it.

Starting from secondary school, Jacob’s condition presented him with obstacles that he had to overcome. Whereas he excelled in most subjects and did well enough in others, he had an outright mental blockage towards Maths. Jacob burned through six different private tutors for the subject, as well as eight different LSAs at his secondary school. His last private tutor blatantly acknowledged his aversion to the subject, saying that there was no use pushing him further. This obstacle persisted as something which Jacob never overcame and simply had to make peace with. He entered St. Aloysius College under special requirements for disabled students. The two years passed blissfully without having to stumble upon any hurdles, that is until Jacob had to apply for the University of Malta.

Regardless of his satisfactory MATSEC grades, there were institutional and political hurdles yet to be crossed, as Jacob put it. “Going into university was a fight to change people’s minds,” he said. He fought for increased awareness about the difficulties autistic and disabled people face when trying to get into university. He fought for a change in mentality.

“There were ten other students with a similar condition to mine that got into university that year,” he said.

This came after UM Senate had passed a change in regulations which made it possible for people with autism and other disabilities to be accepted, despite their aversions to specific subjects. Prior to this change, students that excelled all throughout Sixth Form could still be held back by bad O-level results; results that were simply due to a natural disability.

Throughout his three years on campus, Jacob proved that his obstacles did not define him. He confidently said that he achieved the goals he had set for himself; he studied and strived like any other student, and he did his assignments and exams and graduated. Jacob has also been an active student at heart throughout all his academic endeavours. He lamented the lack of a student council at his Secondary School and got on the SAC student council the first chance he had. University was his chance to thrive. At a point, Jacob was in two student organisations and two sub-committees, managing two other online platforms and also at the leader of Kris Bajada’s KSU Presidential Campaign. Fellow students would ask him how he copes, to which he never knew how to reply.

Jacob describes being on the spectrum as a double-edged sword with regards to student activism.

Whilst his condition makes him more prone to stress and procrastination, it also enables him to work harder since he knows he is pursuing something he is passionate about. “It means that I am doing what I love, that’s what’s important,” he said, “I know I’m trying my best to make a difference in my capacity as a student.”

Having excelled both on the academic and extra-curricular front, it may be difficult to pinpoint how Jacob’s condition factored into his university experience. Thankfully, there were never any forms of bigotry, Jacob admitted. Academic-wise, he never found any obstacles, as there were always many elements of understanding. The issues he came across lie wherein there is no understanding of the nature of autistic people. People on the spectrum cannot help the way they act, what they feel and who they are. “It’s something that can’t and shouldn’t be changed because it’s who they are,” Jacob said, “It’s what they are.”

Things like the social awkwardness, the missing of social cues, the struggle to engage in social situations and steer your way through conversations; these are the things that come with the condition. However, when coming across these behaviours, people simply tend to label the person as weird. Most times, when Jacob was open about his condition, his peers would be taken aback at the resolution. “Il-aħwa ma tidhirx” or “Ħsibtek minnek hekk” would be the usual replies.

The pandemic also shone a light on another deficiency brought about by his condition.

Jacob never really settled into the at-home environment. Keeping up with deadlines was difficult and online learning was difficult to adjust to. Not being In direct contact with his friends and people in general also kept him from working on his social skills and confidence. “I learned that social media and I don’t mix really well from certain aspects,” he confided. The whole experience aggravated Jacob’s anxiety and set back his mental health, as daily socialisation became a new hurdle to overcome. Points became harder to get across and explaining certain things suddenly became more of a complex process. UM was considerate from some aspects, Jacob said, with regards to mental health, however, they left much to be desired.

Nonetheless, a virtually submitted dissertation and several online exams later, Jacob is a fresh postgraduate student reading for a Master of Arts in European Politics, Economics and Law. He is eyeing a career which entails Diplomacy or Maltese politics and continues to advocate for students like him.

“Be yourself, don’t be ashamed of who you are, and fight for what you want”

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KSU lit up Student House in blue to raise awareness on autism, as part of the Global ‘Light it Up Blue’ campaign. The event is part of the ‘Connect and Include’ campaign by KSU in collaboration with The Marigold Foundation, which is focused on accessibility and integration at the University of Malta.

Ms. Muscat expressed how before the stigma surrounding autism was much stronger than it is now. Since only few parents confessed to their children having autism, there was little help for them. The Marigold Foundation’s aim is to bring the autism awareness to a national level. This has led to a better support system for those with autism, with there being better cures and more accessibility.

One of the bigger successes of The Marigold Foundation was to make University a more accessible space. Before there was a language barrier, whilst now there are a lot of university students with the condition. In the hopes of making UM further accessible KSU with the help of Marigold will be converting a room in student house into a ‘Quiet Room’.

‘This is some concrete good for the students, a quiet area is one of the most difficult things to find on campus.’

Ms. Michelle Muscat

A bigger part of university is the independence that it gives students. Inconveniently timed lectures and a lot of travelling may deter autistic students from studying at University. That said, this ‘Quiet Room’ is a huge step towards offering autistic students this same independence, by making the campus more accessible.

Ms. Muscat continued that all this work is done to benefit the parents as well. ‘Apart from the usual challenges of a normal family,’ she said, ‘they have an extra challenge to cope with their growing children.’

The Marigold Foundation are continuing in their aim to make autism awareness a national concern. For the past five years an iconic Maltese location has been lit in blue for the cause. ‘By doing so we are proving we are fighting for this cause with the rest of the world,’ said Ms. Muscat. She continued that the final obstacle is Gozo, since she perceives that autism is still taboo on the sister island.

In fact, the coming week the Citadel, in Victoria is going to be lit up on 5th April. The Mdina Bastions will be lit up on 2nd April for World Autism Awareness Day.

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Regarding accessibility, KSU’s Social Policy Office decided to split this into two components; by conducting a survey and by testing the accessibility on campus. The findings will be included in the final report which will be issued during the official closing of the campaign.

As for integration, KSU has three events lined up for this coming week with the aim of increasing awareness and informing students.

A focus group will be held to create a safe space for students to discuss autism this Tuesday 26th March. This will take place in collaboration with the Faculty for Social Wellbeing with the help of Prof. Andrew Azzopardi and Dr. Alistair De Gaetano on behalf of the Autism Advisory Council.

In the evening of the same day, Students’ House will be transformed into a symbol of inclusion for Autism Awareness during an event called Light it Up Blue. This event will be the fulcrum of the entire campaign. Mrs. Michelle Muscat will be attending on behalf of The Marigold Foundation, along with student organisation representatives and other distinguished guests.

On Friday 29th March KSU’s Social Policy Office and Dr. De Gaetano on behalf of the Autism Advisory Council, will be going around campus asking students questions. The aim is to resolve misconceptions concerning people who are on the spectrum and educate students.

KSU will be holding a talk entitled See the Ability later that same day at 18:00. The event will be open to the public on a first come first serve basis and will be held in the KSU Betsson Common Room.

The talk will kick off with a short video to set the scene, and will be followed by a number of speakers, who are experts in the field of autism or who have first-hand experience. The talk will deliver insight into different aspects of autism and encourages the audience to engage in the discussion. The event will then end with a few light refreshments and drinks together with a distribution of a souvenir.

Monday Morning 1st April, KSU will be organising a human library activity on campus. A number of NGOs and other entities will have stands on quad to educate passers-by on autism. The campaign will come to a close later that day via a Facebook live stream at 15:00. KSU’s Social Policy will present the findings gathered with regards to both aspects of this campaign during the live stream.

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