Yes I am going to admit, women are unpredictable. We are bitches. But most of all, we know how to mentally torture someone into going nuts and doing as we say. Most of you guys know this from past relationships. You can almost never win. Why? Cause we are always right, And by right I mean you get the “you better shut up now before I bring out the big guns” look, which ultimately makes you zip your lips.
So here are a few pointers to understanding women:
1. FINE: This is women’s most used word after an argument. You would be quarrelling around and finally you think you said something that made you win. What does she say? “FINE”. Now let me explain this. Fine does not mean “OK you got a point, you win”. Fine means “I’m going to stab you with a spoon, burn your body and feed what’s left of it to the starfish” (and before you say anything, yes starfish are carnivorous. You learn something new every day!)
2. Make-up: If you want to go out, do not tell us 10 minutes before you want to go out. We need to get ready. We LOVE to look good. Why? Cause we are constantly feeling as if we have to compete with other women to see who looks better. Who has the prettiest face, who wore what better, who can get the most stares from men. So the next time you tell us that we "don’t need make up’ before going out, don’t be surprised if we look at you like you’ve lost it.
3. Clothes: If after a successful shopping spree I decide to parade the clothes in front of you so I can get your opinion and you snicker and say that what I’m wearing reminds you of your old grandma, nothing you can say or do after this will stop me from thinking I look like a granny. Even if you try to redeem yourself by telling me that you meant I look like a female Macklemore.
4. Don’t be a jerk. Being mean to get lucky only works on the docile. And even after a while it will get old with them.
5. No is no. Not a yes if you ask again later. And if you do ask again and I say “maybe” it is still a no.
6. If we suddenly are pissed off at you for no reason it’s either because
A = we have been snooping through your stuff
B = we found out something about you that we really don’t like
C = we remembered something stupid you did which pissed us off
D = all of the above.
And all this would be used against you at any unknown future circumstance.
7. We love cuddles. So even if we are in a bad mood and push you away, one good cuddle would work wonders to turn that frown upside-down.
8. There is only a limited amount of temper-tantalizing things we can take before exploding. If I am stressed about something school or work related, try as much as possible to not dump your problems on me, or I will explode bigger than Hiroshima and Nagasaki combined. It’s not that we don’t care about you, it’s just we can mentally store only so much negativity.
9. Yes, I am crankier when my monthly visitor comes and I would, by all means, bite your head off at a faster rate than usual.
10. If you wake me up stupidly, you will regret it at some point during the rest of the day…
11. Showing us your little peckers randomly would not make us want to jump on you. Actually quite contrary. If I am talking to you normally and you decide to flash it, there is a higher chance of getting racked than getting laid.
12. Another thing about your pecker is this; must you continuously scratch your particulars in public? What, are you that so scared that they are gonna fall off that you MUST check if they are still attached?
13. Thinking with the head that’s between your legs for us is the sickest thing men do. Hearing how many women you have been with really does not impress us at all. In fact, it will either make us: A. throw up or B. get upset. We don’t want someone that sleeps around just as much as you do.
14. WHATEVER: this phrase is used when a woman is sick of the argument because you won’t try to see her point of view, Can be just as deadly as “FINE!” (see number 1).
15. Your appearance: Yes, we like our man to look good. We like to have some eye candy to look at and call ours, but mostly we love the looks other chicks give us when we walk around hand in hand. The “look at that little female dog; how did she manage to get such a hunk?” look. But then do not take this to the extreme and turn on the vanity. That is a major turn off.
Boys seriously, how hard is it to give a girl chocolate and call her beautiful? We really aren’t the pretty puzzle you make us out to be. Sometimes a little observation would do you good. For the single guys, good luck. As for the committed ones, utilize this information as much as you can. Till next time, enjoy.
