Time is an unstoppable force that constantly progresses to day and night. As time goes on people change and evolve to work towards their future. Placing more focus on the past and one’s past experience, some people tend to get stuck and face problems that arise.
Negative past experiences can be very damaging and disruptive, even more to those who are still living in those memories. People who are stuck in the past often think about what could’ve been different and what they could’ve done instead. They re-think about what happened back then and often blame themselves for the actions they did or did not make and the changes they feel they could’ve made.
From my experiences in abuse, parental alienation, and divorce; I had many moments where I thought about situations that could’ve been different and imagine a better outcome where everyone is finally happy. Unfortunately, that was not a reality that I could achieve.
Why do people find it difficult to let go of the past?
In an article posted by Tony Robbins, it is explained that people often find it difficult to let go of the past because it grants them certainty, as opposed to the uncertainty of the future. Certainty is one of the six core human needs as proposed by Tony Robbins. People often feel anxious and afraid of the uncertain future, therefore they cling to the past to make them feel comfortable.
Another reason is the attempt to resolve past conflicts. People are motivated to resolve conflicts and gain a complete understanding of what went wrong and what they did. This motivation often drives people to re-live and repeat their past experiences in order to fully understand their past, this often does not work.
For example, having unresolved conflicts with previous intimate partners often motivates people to look for similar partners and repeat the same experiences.
How can people let go of the past?
As difficult as letting go of the past can be, it is possible and everyone has the potential to let go.
- Letting go and focus on the present
Letting go is the best way to move on from past experiences and embracing the here and now. Letting go isn’t just a simple choice, it is a number of choices. It is a choice to stop blaming yourself for what you could’ve done differently, it is a choice to focus your thinking on the present feelings, situations and future goals for wellbeing, it is a choice to stop seeking answers to unanswered questions, even if those answers will never be found.
- Express your pain and emotional baggage
Reliving the past often reimburses yourself with past emotions and pain. Keeping these to yourself is not something that should be encouraged but to talk about with someone close to heart. Talking about these actually serves as a therapeutic function.
- Forgive yourself for past mistakes
People often blame themselves for things they did or did not do in the past. They often remind themselves of what they did wrong and become depressed. Another way of moving on is to forgive oneself and learn from their mistakes to better their future decisions.
- Stop spending time with people who remind you of your past
Often when trying to let go of the past, certain people present in our lives can easily throw us back and remind us. Negative people encourage negative thinking and do not help people to be present in their here and now. Letting go of the past can also mean letting go of people reminding you of past experiences and mistakes, especially if those people are toxic.
A message to those who struggle to move on
Before concluding, I would like to send a message to those who are reading this article and struggle in this very moment on moving on from the past. As a victim of emotional and in certain contexts, physical abuse, you are not alone. I understand how you feel and how your past holds you back. However, do not let your past consume you but grow from it. Who you were then is not who you are now; you are strong, you are intelligent and resilient.
Be brave, it’s time to let it go.
