Caroline Curmi and Victoria-Melita Zammit, in their first published collaboration, take on the Kunsill Studenti Universitali (KSU) Elections with a pinch of salt, as they go through the manifestos both parties have produced for their campaigns.
Victoria: Caroline, check. Victoria…obviously, check. SDM Manifesto…also check. Pulse Manifesto…
Caroline: Wait, we had to wait a day for that.
Victoria: Still…also check.
*Both parties settle down around the table. Glasses on. Collars up.*
Studenti Demokristjani Maltin (SDM) Manifesto
"To ensure that the Library’s "Extended Hours’ continue to be applied during the January and June exam periods.’
V: OK, seriously, extended hours aren’t just an exam thing. You’re either gonna have them all year round or you’re just doing something for the sake of doing it. Also, Claire wrote an article about this. Just read that. (1)
C: "Life-long learning versus cramming’ — it’s about time we start implementing what we preach during educational/study meetings.
’We will work with Senate to introduce a 5-minute reading time to read examination papers before the exams starts.’
V: Oh my god, YES PLEASE!!! Seriously, if you’re as anxious as I am before an exam, this is such a great idea!
C: Personally, I’d go for it being slightly longer. You know how Maltese are with keeping time…
"We will work closely with the Junior College administration to create spaces within the Junior College library in which students can carry out any group work assigned to them.’
V: As an ex-Junior College student, I just have one word to say about this. Finally.
C: I’m Gozitan, I have no idea what you’re talking about.
"KSU will organise Campus Tours during Freshers’ Week, in which KSU members and other helpers take Freshers on a tour around Campus, to help them get acquainted with their new surroundings.’
V: Hate to break it to you…but other organizations have already done this. To mention two: BetaPsy (the Department of Psychology student association) and DESA (the Department of English Student Association).
C: Specifically for DESA, ten AM in front of the stand. On the Monday, if I’m not mistaken. (Photographic memory, oh yeah!)
"We will convert Car Park 6 into a drive-in cinema for an evening and screen a film.’
V: Here’s a thought: why not use Car Park 6 as an actual car park? I mean, we’ve all heard everybody complaining about how horribly in need of parking space we are. In fact, kudos to Pulse for their idea (Proposal 6 on their manifesto).
C: For an evening it makes sense, since people won’t be parking there.
(Mixed opinions…check!)
"KSU will convert the KSU Common Room into a night-time study area equipped with plugs, desks, and coffee-making facilities for students who would like to keep studying when the library closes, even after the library’s extended library hours.’
V: Just…no. If you’re gonna do that, might as well just add beds and everything to the place, right?
C: Maybe a condom machine and a washing machine for the morning after? …And free mints.
"We will install microwaves, toasters, mini-fridges and other appliances in Student House for students who bring their lunch from home.’
V: I understand the whole point of this, but again…just, no. Too much electricity, and too many people will take advantage of this. Plus I’d rather avoid a disaster related to some idiot putting tin foil in a microwave.
C: Two words: Health Shop. #justsayin
"We will continue building on this year’s work with regards to the Art in Action space and the Culture Card, in order to promote a more culture-oriented campus.’
C: I can only lift my vodka bottle up in accordance to this statement.
V: Seconded.
"KSU will work with MUSC to organize campaigns throughout the year which will focus on different types of sports on quad with the aim of promoting sports amongst students,’
C: Beer pong? Or food challenges maybe?
V: It kind of is the only thing most Uni students are interested in…
C: Wait, I’m not even joking anymore. Furious Pete needs new places to visit and compete in, Malta can be a viable option. I mean if a guy can crunch down a dozen pastizzi in a minute, that’s him. Since the total travelling time from MIA to University can take up to 48hrs, we might have to scrap this in favour of something more doable. *insert pregnant pause*: Pole-dancing.
"We will set up a room with adequate security and shelving for Gozitan students who wish to keep their luggage in it while they are attending lectures.’
C: A room does exist at Gateway. Minus the cameras, true, but then again you can always use the Chaplaincy.
V: I feel I don’t have a say here…
C: My G beats your M. #winning
Pulse Manifesto
"Lobby for the extension of Library opening hours to Sundays and Public Holidays during exam periods.’
V: Uh…hello?! I said this for SDM, I’ll say it for Pulse: life-long learning versus cramming is a problem!
C: I repeat: every day. Always. For ever. Til death to us part.
V: These aren’t wedding vows.
C: Have you seen my assignments? Married to the course right now! Can’t wait for the separation procedures…
"Implement a trans-inclusive policy to ensure that all transgender students at both University and Junior College are not discriminated against on an administrative level.’
V: Honestly, though this is a case of "about time’…Yes! Yes yes yes, a thousand times yes. Trans-visibility all the way!
C: I think this is irrelevant because at this level of education it is not to be expected but it should just be done. Administration, take note.
"Together with the Precincts Office, a KSU Event Planner will be created through which student organisations would be able to access an online booking database for locations around University, including the Common Room.’
V: As an executive member of DESA…yes. Please. We need something like this. All small organizations on campus need something like this!
"Enter into negotiations with the MATSEC Board so that subjects such as Psychology and Physical Education become available at an Advanced level, and in order to introduce new subjects, including European Studies and Legal Studies.’
V: Hear that? Right there? That, my friends, is the sound of thousands of Junior College students screaming with joy!
C: Having been forced to take Philosophy, especially with the knowledge that Psychology would have been offered the next year, I’ll say… about time.
"Hold the first-ever KSU World Cup Village with themed activities promoting cultural diversity trough sports, and lending a new lease of life to Campus during the Summer period.’
C: Personally, I’m not football’s number one fan, but I cannot deny its mass, unifying appeal. The idea of World Cup viewing on campus, with cold beer and the parading of flags sound enticing, almost like a summer carnival without the racket. Or not.
V: I look forward to the fights that break out with people over National Teams. Plus it’s always fun to watch people bet.
C: We need a summer chill-out anyway, makes "October Awkwardness Syndrome’ much more bearable.
V: *brings out maracas* BRAZIL!
C: España! Wait…no! I lied! I’m a fraud!V: Enough with that!
C: Our mother Colombia…Shakira!
V: Clearly, post-production blues are still in effect. Moving on.
C: *dances obliviously to Whenever, Wherever*
"Install a rain shelter in front of the Junior College.’
C: Install a rain shelter in front of the X1 bus stop! All them vulnerable times sliding around in that moistness…
V: Car…
C: Aw, x’qed ta?seb g?ax-xita u is-sajjetti qed ng?id!
C: Speaking of "xita u is-sajjetti’…
V: Where are you going with this?
C: I was gonna comment on the animosity between the parties.
V: Could have picked a better metaphor.
C: I didn’t get any food freebies today, excuse me! But…what is a metaphor?
V: Do not have this conversation with me. English student.
C: Ex-English student. And you’re right, I’d rather eat strawberries.
V: Good thing we have a fridge full.
C: Amen.
We, of course, mean no offense to either SDM or Pulse. We wish them both luck in their separate campaigns and a good election, and hope that whoever is elected to council does their job well. However, what we have posted here is our honest opinion about the ideas in both manifestos, whether they are good ones, feasible ones, or just plain useless.
(P.S.: Will the food be there all year round?)
Yours, truthfully and faithfully,
Victoria and Caroline
(AKA Rapier and Dagger)
Editor’s note: link here: http://www.thirdeyemalta.com/#!Equipped-for-life-or-cramming-for-exams-/cmbz/AC0C7429-E028-4B7F-8D3B-123840AA0A43 )