The way most of us have learned about sex and sexuality probably isn’t through books or professors educating about all the important bits of information.
It was more like a patchwork quilt of conversations with friends, inaccurate films and some bits from adults in our lives.
This is why what we think we know about sex can be full of misconceptions.
1. Sexual attraction should happen immediately
While it sometimes does happen this way, attraction developing as you get to know the person better is common. Sexual attraction depends on different areas besides just physical appearance; having shared interests and having an emotional connection are just a couple of the areas that can make a difference. Sometimes it’s important that multiple factors are being focused on, in order to feel fully sexually attracted to someone.
2. Pain and discomfort during sex are normal
Although it’s normal for sexual attraction to develop gradually, it’s not normal for sex to hurt. Painful sex can come from a few different things and should be looked into by a gynaecologist or doctor you feel comfortable with.
Slight discomfort during sex could come from needing more lubricant. There are a couple of myths around lubricant too; firstly, that it’s not normal to use it and good sex shouldn’t need extra lubricant, which is completely untrue.
Another myth about lube is that it isn’t safe. While this is also untrue, it’s important to make sure the lubricant being used doesn’t contain any ingredients that irritate your body. And when picking out a lubricant, a water-based one is usually best.
3. Sex should always end in an orgasm, otherwise it isn’t good
Of course, this isn’t to say that it’s not great when all partners orgasm during sex, it just means it’s okay if it doesn’t happen every time. Unfortunately, It’s common to hear people say they feel bad if an orgasm isn’t reached by one or all people involved, but the pleasure of sex comes from the whole experience, not just one part at the end.
4. Men care more about sex and orgasms than women
This is possibly the oldest and most common misconception. Although it’s fine if an orgasm isn’t reached at the end of every sexual experience, it’s not okay to assume women don’t need to orgasm because they don’t care about it as much as men do. This idea is deep rooted and still very much a belief for some, even though the truth is both women and men can have different sex drives, and women care just as much about orgasms as men do.
The misconception around this means an orgasm gap for women, and it’s quite a big gap, specifically for women in heterosexual relationships, with only 65% orgasming during sex. This is compared to 86% of lesbian women orgasming and 92% of heterosexual men orgasming during sex. This gap for heterosexual women could come from factors like not enough foreplay or miscommunication between partners. But, before being able to properly communicate with your partner about how to help you orgasm, you need to know your body properly first. This will help with better communication.
5. It’s hard to contract an STD and can only happen from lots of casual sex
Anyone can contract an STD, even the person who you swear you trust to have gotten tested recently with a negative result (even though they never actually showed you the negative test). The amount of sexual partners you have really doesn’t matter, it takes just one person to contract an STD. Some STDs are easy to get rid of, others, not so much. But either way, no one really wants to be dealing with an STD of any kind, so make sure you’re taking precaution and practising safe sex.
These are just 5 of the many misconceptions surrounding sex and sexuality, so questioning and fact-checking what you hear is never a bad idea. The next time someone tries to tell you that women don’t care about sex or that lubricant is only for ‘bad’ sex, maybe you can be the one to educate them.