Celebrating or not, the holiday season usually brings about a whole range of emotions.
Take that with finishing a study exchange abroad and you’ve got yourself one emotional
rollercoaster of a Christmas. Not to be particularly negative but if you’ve got the same
distaste for the holidays, you know what I mean.
When I first stepped foot on the rock, my first emotion was confusion. I was simultaneously
relieved to see something familiar again but also upset because I knew the adventure was
over. It’s difficult to describe, not here or there, not particularly happy or unhappy. It was
simply home. Not that I bound myself to a specific land mass but I was comfortable in the
space I was in and I hadn’t felt such comfort in a long time – for better or for worse. Nothing
can really prepare you I think. We always talk about the prep that moving away involves
but we hardly ever stop to think about how it is to resettle into an area that was once
yours. It’s almost as if you’ve lived 2 different lives. In a place that was once foreign, you
got to create a home, new friends, a routine and as much as you can try to describe it to
your old friends, they’ll never really know what happened there. The same goes for your
new friends abroad. They will never truly understand your old way of life, or even the old
you because you never come back the same, even if you try to.
After the confusion reality hits and anger strikes. Your old routines don’t suffice anymore.
You realise that there are no more wild nights that no one back home will know, no more
spontaneous weekend trips and no more walks without anyone knowing your name.
Naturally, you start to miss the freedom that moving abroad brings. Coming from such a
small island, being in a place where no one knows your aunt, nanna, or cousin is
something huge. You’re always seeing a new face, not just because you’re new to the area
but also because it’s drastically bigger than Malta. The short time span also gives you
some liberties because nothing can be too serious if you’re going to leave after a few
months. It encourages you to be courageous and to live for today because while you were
having so much fun, you knew deep down that it wouldn’t last forever. It’s funny to think
about it now because 4 months sounded like an eternity before, but I can confirm – it is not.
Then at some point, while complaining to everyone how this and that is better than Malta,
your friends finally put you in your place. It’s not without reason though and there have
been surveys proving how most Maltese youths want to move abroad, so it’s not just me
chatting with my friends. For example, the most recent being EY Generate Youth in 2021
and FreeHour’s FutureHour in 2022. According to the latest one, almost 60% of young
people would prefer to live in another European country. Without getting into the nitty-gritty
of this, I get it. Why wouldn’t we want to live in a space with more green and more
opportunities?
In that same breath, I also don’t want to demonise my home. It’s where my best friends
and family live, it’s where I’ve made the most memories, I have my little spots and
favourite restaurants. My home has made me what I am. Sure, I’ve grown a lot in my
travels but the friends I made while I was away loved me for what I was, and what I am is a
19-year-old girl from Malta, with all of my cliché Maltese nuances and habits, such as my
inability to survive in the cold, being fussy with supermarket food and messing up train
times. However, that was fine because it was all new. I know so many people that call
themselves Maltese alongside a hint of shame, but from my experience, everyone that I’ve
met found it cool to meet a person from somewhere a bit unusual. Think about it, how
often do you meet someone from a country with a population of 500,000?
As I settled the anger faded away and turned to gratitude. Not everyone is as lucky as I
was to be able to afford such an experience. Better yet most people don’t get the chance
to meet such an inspiring and motivated bunch. My time in the UK will be something I
cherish for the rest of my life and I’ve only grown since then. My eyes opened to a whole
new realm of opportunities. I didn’t realise how much I had limited myself. Certain careers
were unattainable, travelling in the midst of my degree was supposedly silly too but that
has all changed. I always claimed to be a non-conformist but for once I think I actually feel
like one or maybe I just started to conform to the group I met in the UK.
Coming back home is always bittersweet. However, I have no regrets and have no
intention of dreading home. Although I can’t pack up my life there and bring it all here. I’m
definitely going to implement all the lessons and novelties I’ve picked up along the way.
This article was written by an independent writer whose views are not associated with The Third Eye. The Third Eye strives to be the student’s voice, and that entails giving them a platform to voice their opinions.