The LGBTQ+ spectrum is vast and inclusive. It’s not just Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans anymore, that’s why there’s also a +! Time has gone by, we’ve become more educated about things, we’ve realized that sexuality isn’t just a black and white thing anymore. Sure, there are people who are totally gay, or totally straight, but there are also a bunch of other things in between. And besides, the LGBTQ+ spectrum isn’t just about sexuality, it’s also about gender identity — about feeling comfortable in the body you’re born with, about the way you want to be addressed, about the way you express your gender to the outside world.
And yet, though time has passed and education on the matter is slowly becoming a bit better, one person at a time, one support group at a time, we still find that some people just aren’t accepted into the community at all, for some strange reason.
Bisexuality, as most of you have probably heard, is the attraction to either end of the gender spectrum, most commonly male and female. Before we go any further into this article, I just want to point out that bisexuality is not a phase, it is not an in-between, and bisexuals are not confused. Bisexuality is a legit sexuality, and to be honest, it’s sometimes harder for them to come out than it is for us monosexual folk.
Bisexuality is, sadly, often times ignored — both by the "normal’ heterosexual community, and by the LGBTQ+ community who claim to be "all inclusive’. There’s a word for this, and it is "bi-erasure’.
Let’s give a common example of what I mean. A few weeks ago, I met a gay male who sat down at a table full of queer people — lesbians, gays, queers, and even bisexuals, and proceeded to say: “What’s the difference between a straight girl and a bisexual girl? Three shots of tequila.” Needless to say, the bisexual women at the table were very, very offended.
During the past few months, I’ve become a little bit more active in the LGBTQ+ community, and befriended quite a few amazing individuals. A few of them are bisexual, and have expressed continuous discomfort at the fact that their voices are sometimes not heard, or that they are treated as confused individuals who will pick a side one day. One of them has told me that she’s pretty sure her mother hopes that she’ll "walk in with a sign one day telling her exactly what I want as a partner’. This same individual has told me that "Yes, I am bisexual; 50/50 attraction, no way around it’.
Bi-erasure is the act of ignoring that bisexuality is a legit sexuality, and claiming that individuals who identify as such will one day "pick a side’ or "get over the phase’. A gay friend of mine recently said “I can understand why people come out as bisexual first because it’s easier sometimes, but it’s not fair on actual bisexuals; it just makes bi-folk seem like they’re going to come out as gay later on.”
Most people also can’t seem to wrap their head around the concept of bisexuality. It is completely possible to be attracted to both genders for a stunning amount of individuals — bisexuality is actually the most common sexuality around, it’s just that not a lot of people actually speak about it. And yet, people seem to think that it’s a label to use to talk about "greedy people’. First of all, no, bisexuality does not equal "greed’ (and I use that word very very lightly). Just because somebody is bisexual does not mean they can’t be monogamous, or want threesomes, or will leave their partner for somebody of the opposite sex that their partner is. It just means that they have way more options available to them on a Saturday night out. Doesn’t mean that they’re completely driven by sex.
People also seem to think that just because a bisexual-identifying individual is suddenly in a long-term relationship with somebody, then they’re set for life. Uh, no. Just because, for the sake of argument, a bisexual woman dates a man, that doesn’t make her straight. She’s still bisexual, she still looks at women and thinks "Damn, girl, you look fine as hell!’, she just won’t cheat. Same if that girl dates another girl — she’ll still look at men, she just won’t cheat.
(In relation to this, my bisexual friends like to say this phrase to explain this phenomenon: "When I’m in a relationship, it just means I can’t order from the menu. Doesn’t mean I can’t look.’)
A common perpetrator of bi-erasure is, sadly, the media — the one thing that constantly surrounds us and forms social standards, whether we like it or not. I can probably count the number of bisexual characters on one hand, and even then, they’ve probably been used as a ploy to make people hate them. The bisexual is often seen as a villain in the media, or else ridiculed for being bisexual and told by others to "pick a side’. Celebrities come out as bisexual and suddenly, the whole world is watching, waiting for them to "slip up’ and start dating someone of the opposite sex to prove everybody wrong. As if constantly reaffirming your sexuality is a thing that has to happen. And it’s not just celebrities — people around us are constantly telling us that bisexuality is a thing that isn’t real. Well, let me tell you something: if it’s not real, than I have a ton of imaginary friends and I clearly must be crazy.
To reiterate, bisexuality is a real sexuality, totally legitimate, and probably the one that makes the most sense (and I say this as a monosexual) — I mean, it’s really not about falling in love with gender, it’s about falling in love with a person. And who wouldn’t want the chances of finding a soul mate to be twofold?!
To finish off my little rant, I’d like to enlighten you all to a small quote from one of the latest episodes of Grey’s Anatomy — “It’s called LGBTQ for a reason. There’s a B in there, and it doesn’t mean badass. Okay, it kinda does, but it also means bi.”
So, lessons learnt today: don’t hate on the bisexuals, they’re lovely and they’re real!
I would like to thank my bisexual friends (who will hereby remain unnamed) for aiding in writing this article. You guys are awesome!