Long-distance relationships are not a piece of cake. Spending some time away from your partner is sometimes good and makes the relationship an even stronger one, however sometimes, it’s a recipe for disaster. I am one of the survivors of a long-distance relationship. I spent the last four months and a half in Macerata, Italy doing my Erasmus+ Mobility period and although it was the perfect experience, there were a few factors that threatened my relationship.
Being away from your loved ones is hard, especially whilst in a relationship which started just four months before I left for Italy. The pact made between my significant other and I was that we would make it through the separation, potentially making the relationship stronger and growing apart but together at the same time. At first, he was supportive but when it hit him, it was a lot harder than he had imagined. Here are some tips I can give you on how to get through a period of time away from your partner:
1. Communication is key
Communication is the most vital aspect in a relationship. Being away made us text and call each other every night. Skype worked too, even though it got harder as time went by since Italy doesn’t have the best Internet connection. I tried my best to have time to speak to him constantly through any mean of technology.
2. Keeping him/her involved
Since Internet was out of the question, I tried to keep him involved in what I was doing. Telling him my plans and asking for his opinions when I needed help. Funny fact, I would just invite him to come to dinner, or come shopping with me, even though I knew it was impossible; at least I involved him and sought to make him happy.
3. Speaking and Listening
Listening to each other about what was bothering him and what was bothering me helped the relationship move forward. His main concern was my safety, because if something happened he wouldn’t be there to help. In Malta, if something happens, our instinct is to call someone we know to help immediately and everyone usually knows where you’re going. When abroad, you need to assure others you are safe and not in harm’s way. However, in an environment that is not familiar with your loved ones, it’s kind of hard to do so. In addition to this concern, arguments or fights are simply bound to happen, as one feels useless whilst the other feels overprotected.
4. Small Trips
We found a way to split the four months into 1.5 months. My boyfriend came to visit me in November and I came to Malta in December then leaving again and coming back. Small breaks to regroup and rekindle that flame there once was are healthy for a relationship.
5. Be Careful
Being on Erasmus, you want to experience everything and have fun at any point — from the smallest party to the biggest trip. Sometimes it may be impossible not to find people who threaten the relationship. Cheating is something me and my partner take very seriously and we wouldn’t want to hurt each other like that. I had a few requests from men at various locations and the thing that amazes me the most is that they ask you to forget that you are in a relationship because your partner is in Malta, back home. No – say no. They are not worth it.
6. Missing one Another
When spending time abroad, the feeling of homesickness is not the best feeling and having someone to miss makes the situation even worse. The calls at night were settling and the numerous countdowns helped us get through it. For me, being in a new place was reconciling because I kept myself busy either with the academia or just by travelling around and exploring, or even cooking and organising the apartment. However, for my partner, it was very difficult since we would usually spend this free time together.
My personal contribution to this whole long distance relationship business, honestly, is that it’s quite difficult to keep up with a relationship when you are abroad. I’m not saying you shouldn’t try and work through it; however, my relationship will not survive another amount of time apart. People in a relationship have different beliefs and different characters on how to deal with such a situation.
Sometimes, long-distance relationships fail because people tend to just grow apart in these situations; other relationships seem to blossom even more and the couple becomes a stronger force, as mine did. Trust and support are key in such relationships and staying positive is very helpful for the one undergoing the mobility as well as the other who is at home, anxiously waiting for the day his other half makes it home safe.
